That Single Mom Life of TEENAGERS!!!

     LORD HELP ME TO MAKE IT THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  jk, jk I love my babies I really do I am the proud mother of two darling teenagers and if you believe that they're darling you've got another thing coming to you. I have been a single mother for 17 years and 9 months.  My son turns 18 on April 5th and fingers crossed he will graduate this year. 

     And being a single parent is anything but a walk in the park.  It's more relatable to standing on the edge of a pier with no guardrails and the Pacific Ocean is pissed, she's angry and waves are swelling and roaring and coming at you one after another after another and they are coming so fast and hard you feel like you can't catch a good breath, okay, okay you get the idea.  

     But damn being a parent is hard and sometimes we feel like we are drowning but you know what that is OKAY that means that you care. That means that you give a fuck that means that you are fighting for all that is good in the world for your tiny humans! And that my friend is something to be celebrated! 

     My life has been a mixture of serious failures, feeling awful, struggling and working like a dog to provide a life for my children. To keep them in good school systems, get off of welfare (which I am now and have been for over 5 years) and to lay a strong foundation of Morals and Values beneath them to make them grow and evolve into "Not shitty human beings."

     But alas what can I say about teenagers no matter what you do they are hard. My children have been raised side by side in an identical environment and they are two completely different people.  Which only proves my theory that you do not OWN your children. They are their own people with their own set of beliefs and ideals and they are here to pursue their passions in life and it's our damn job to support them on their journey's. It's our job to watch them fall on their faces, suffer and take part in creating their own existence. Let me remind you how easy it is to place blame on yourself, soooooooo easy. But I promise you I assure you if you are truly, truly doing everything you can then you are not a failure. You are a Unicorn Parent that is learning, growing and evolving so that you too can raise your own children to NOT be shitty human beings.

    I feel like one of my major parenting keys to success has been the fact that I have never told my children NO, let me repeat myself. "I, Julia, Unicorn Mom have NEVER told my children NO.  Sounds weird right?  Bizarre even.  Well it's true, I truly, truly don't believe in the word no.  We hear no all of our lives in every facet. No, you can't wear that, no you can't say that, no you can't do that job, no you can't eat that. "NO" is our default as a people, how many times a day do you tell yourself NO as apposed to saying yes to yourself?

      The matter at hand with my children and not telling them NO is offering them education.  I prefer to educate my children rather than tell them No.  So because I have teenagers I'm going to skip ahead to the harder parts of parenting teenagers and all the garbage they deal with everyday at school and in life in general.

     My son being a senior in High School has definitely encountered drugs, he's even seen drug deals at school.  My 14 year old daughter has been the subject of bullying because of her imperfect teeth and her desire to stand out instead of blending in.  Let me remind you that we live in a relatively affluent suburb where you feel constant judgement from the parents that are like pariah. You know who I'm talking about. People that are so insecure with themselves that they are constantly throwing their opinions around like they are the written word of the sacred Buddha himself. 

     I digress, I from the very core of my soul believe in educating children and giving them the WHY instead of shooting them down and telling them NO. When you just say NO it insights an abundant amount of unhealthy curiosities, instead when you say to them "I'm not saying NO, but I am saying this is WHY I believe this or feel this way (insert topic, situation) then provide reasons why you feel a certain way", it takes away curiosity, offers education and induces thought provoked conclusions or just thought in general.

      Which is what we want. We want our tiny humans our little people to make great choices for themselves, for their futures and to participate in the creation of their lives in a healthy safe and educated manner. So I encourage you the next time your ready to shut down and tell your tiny people No, flip it and tell them WHY and how you would approach the situation.  And remember being any kind of parent is incredibly hard, whether it be single parent, co-parent, adoptive parent, foster parent etc. So cut yourself some damn slack and celebrate the small wins!  Because you my darling are One Goddamned Amazing Unicorn Parent!